Are you a man who has had a part in aborting your child—either insisting on the abortion, encouraging it, or even trying to prevent it? Many such men find themselves in emotional anguish and turmoil. You may find significant help at http://www.theunchoice.com/specialreports/men.htm
If you are a man who has had an abortion experience, you most likely will fit into one of the following six roles:
- You and your partner agreed to the abortion. You may have supported her by taking her to the clinic and/or paying for the procedure.
- You pressured your partner to get the abortion. You may have threatened to leave her if she didn’t.
- You abandoned your partner to avoid the decision all together.
- You passively left the decision up to your partner. You may have been confused about what to do, or you felt it was entirely her choice.
- You wanted your child but were unsuccessful in preventing the abortion. You may have offered any means to support her and/or the child.
- You didn’t even know about the pregnancy and/or the abortion until after it was done.
Whatever your role was, the end result is the same. Your role as a parent was prematurely cut short. Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. For many men, this instinct kicks in as soon as fatherhood is realized. For others, it takes a little bit longer. Regardless, an abortion prevents that instinct from being exercised. This in turn can leave men feeling empty, powerless, defeated, helpless, confused and without purpose. Thoughts of what-could-have-been can haunt them constantly.
Symptoms and Behaviors
Many people now recognize the fact that many women may suffer from Post-Abortion Syndrome/Stress (PAS) either immediately after the abortion or later on in life. But few will acknowledge that men may also suffer from similar symptoms. Below is a partial list of emotions and behaviors that you may be experiencing. There are too many to list, but these are the most common:
|* Depending on the severity of these behaviors, you may need immediate intervention and assistance from a licensed therapist or counselor before you harm yourself or someone else. If you find yourself in a desperate and/or dangerous situation, you should immediately contact 9-1-1.
As a post-abortion father, you will probably find that you are suffering from more than just one or two of these symptoms. Many go hand-in-hand with each other and certain emotions will lead to specific behaviors. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge the possibility that your abortion experience may be the cause of your symptoms/problems.
“[Men] can find themselves gasping for air as repressed emotions rise up with a vengence pulling them toward what feels like a terrifying dark abyss.”Kevin Burke LSW, Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries
There is Hope!
Although you may be at a point where everything seems hopeless, there actually is hope. You can heal. You can regain your life and find purpose and meaning. It’s not easy, it takes a lot of work, and you can’t do it alone. First, you must realize that it is completely normal, acceptable and healthy to mourn the loss of your child. Validate your pain and grieve rather than suppress it. Know that your pain will fade as you continue to heal. Remember that you are not alone. Find a post-abortion support group so you can hear other people’s experiences. This will in turn inspire you to share your experience with those who will listen and understand. The hardest part is learning how to forgive others that were involved. Recognize that they may have been misled or misinformed. Accept your role in the decision, whatever it was, and learn how to forgive yourself. Finally, acknowledge your child as an actual member of your family. Giving your child a name and creating a memorial in his or her honor can help you find closure and bring peace and restoration to your life. From the moment your child was conceived, you created new life. Even though your child was never born, you will always be a father forever.
“Every man who has lost a child has a story. We should be ready to listen to his story.”Warren Williams, Fathers & Brothers Ministries
What’s the Next Step?
There are several avenues you can take. First of all, you should realize your courage for seeking help. You’ve taken the first step towards healing. In no particular order, you should find a good healing program. Visit the Get Help page for a list of resources. Check out our list of Books for some great books about men and abortion. Read Real Stories from other guys who have been through this experience, some of whom have found healing. These can be some of the best forms of inspiration.
It is our sincerest hope that you find the information on this site helpful and inspiring. May you find hope and healing and start to live your life whole again.
Please visit http://www.fatherhoodforever.org/
I Still Cry
Sometimes I look at my two children,
And I know there should be three.
I still cry.
Sometimes I see a family with two sons close in age with a daughter,
And then I look at mine.
I still cry.
I know, Father, you have forgiven me because I took my pain to Christ,
But how do I explain to him why I did this and why he had no life.
The ball games lost, hunting, camping and all the long talks,
Father -son times we never had.
I still cry. I try not to think about it,
I would give my life a hundred times over, to give him his.
Oh, God, how I wish I could have held you as a baby and in your teens.
I still cry. The pain I held so deep inside was way too much to bear,
Through Jesus Christ and Reconciliation, inner -peace was there.
I still cry. I know one day I’ll hold you tight and look into your eyes,
‘Til then, my son, I love you.
I still cry.
To my son, Christian….love, dad