Chastity:  What is it?

Chastity is a virtue—not a habit. Chastity is freedom from sexual impurities, not necessarily freedom from sexual activity. We know that God created sex, and everything God created is very good. Within the boundaries of chastity, one can be sexually active. Chastity is the virtue of understanding and respecting sex to such a great degree that one keeps it in the appropriate time and place (marriage). Every man, woman, and child in the world can be living chastity—priests, religious brothers and sisters, single people, married couples, and teenagers. It’s a lifestyle choice. It means that you understand the power of sex enough to keep it in marriage.

Why is Chastity so Attractive? Three Major Reasons:

  1. Chastity includes the act of having sex, which is something most people would like to experience in life. Chastity, in fact, encourages and demands that married couples have sex due to its incredible bonding power. Chastity encourages a healthy understanding of sexuality, not a repression until marriage.
  2. Every person considering marriage would agree that they DESIRE CHASTITY for both themselves and their spouses once they are married. Every couple should want a chaste marriage because it means that your spouse respects sex enough to not cheat on you. No one wants a spouse that will “sleep around” or even be unchaste on one occasion. Most of us would admit that chastity is something that we will eventually want in our lives. However, chastity is a lifestyle you don’t learn in a day. So, if you eventually want chastity, you had better start training now. You don’t automatically learn this skill just because a ring is on your finger.
  3. Chastity is a positive message. It doesn’t tell us, “don’t do it.” It tells us “there is an appropriate time and place.” God gave us directions to make our lives better, more fulfilling, and for the sex to be awesome. Chastity encourages an understanding of one’s own sexuality, a deep appreciation of the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual aspects of sex, and a sincere respect and love for others, including those you date or marry.

Why Chastity is So Great and Challenging

In our society, many young people think they’re just fine, as long as they don’t go “all the way.” Abstinence, from many sources, says, “don’t do it”, and there’s often not clarification as to what “it” is, and how you avoid “it”, especially while dating. In fact, some who believe in abstinence would agree it would be okay to take showers as a couple, to make out as much as possible, just as long as you refrain from intercourse. Young people struggle with this a great deal. They’re told to date like the rest of the world, just have this supernatural power to say no the moment before sex would begin.

Chastity is an awesome answer for those who struggle with “abstinence dating”. Chastity believes it is most loving to not tempt your partner. Foreplay and “making out” is what occurs as one leads up to intercourse. Why start something you don’t plan to finish? (If your date loved chocolate, would you really be so cruel as to drive her to Baskin Robbins, buy her chocolate ice cream, then dangle a spoonful in front of her mouth, but never let her take a bite? That would be so cruel – not even close to loving.) Heavy, sexual making out and foreplay also encourages a great deal of emotional attachment, almost as much as when intercourse occurs. Purity in dating relationships improves communication, dating creativity, and the respect each partner has for the other—to be above one’s own desires for the benefit of the other person.

Chastity also calls for freedom from all sexual impurities—especially in the mind and heart. Jesus was specific about this when he said, ” I tell you that any one that looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28). Chastity requires that one think respectfully about members of the opposite sex. True virtue begins in the mind, and actions flow from virtue. If one’s only reason for refraining from sex until marriage is because they feel they should, then their heart and mind could be exploding with sexual desires—they simply stop themselves from acting upon such desires. Chastity calls every heart to desire purity in order to experience true love and respect. God also wants to keep all of His children close to His heart and His love. Impurities, of any kind, will lead or distract Christians from Christ and their faith.

In conclusion, both abstinence and chastity are excellence terms to learn. I highly encourage parents to teach even young children the habit of abstinence; and that young people practice abstinence (giving up one thing for Lent has always helped me). If this habit is learned early in life, teens and young adults find it much easier to say “no” to sex before marriage (and many other temptations that lead to unhealthy behaviors). Chastity, however, is the most all-inclusive, positive way to view our sexuality. Chastity includes God’s plan for our heart, mind, emotions, and physical well-being. God desires that we become more loving, and chastity is the best route to become a truly great lover.

Source:  Heather Gallagher

Abstinence: What is it?

Abstinence means not having sex; it means refraining from sexual intercourse.

Abstinence means the avoidance of certain substances and activities which can be detrimental, dangerous, or deadly to a person’s well-being.


Ours is a sex-drenched society. Movies, magazines, and
TV showcase promiscuity to teens 24/7. They push casual sex
and mock purity.

But some teens, thankfully, aren’t listening. In fact, more and more teenagers are choosing to save sex until marriage.

The good news, according to the Centers for Disease Control, is that the percentage of high school boys who have had sex declined steadily from 57 percent in 1991 to 49 percent in 2001. Likewise, the proportion of high school girls who had had sex decreased from 51 to 43 percent during the same period.

The abstinence message is making a difference. Abstinence instruction is much more than “just say ‘no.’” It is helping young people understand the risks and consequences of premarital sex and equipping them with strategies to avoid compromising situations.


Frequently Asked Questions About Abstinence:

How can I be successful at abstinence? Abstinence is most successful when you are diligent and use planning within your relationships. To make it easier, try some of the following ideas:

  • Do things with friends or in groups
  • Go on double dates
  • Minimize physical affection that could lead to passion and desire, making it harder to abstain from sexual intercourse
  • Avoid situations where you are alone

For additional information go to

What about teenagers and abstinence? Relationships that involve sexual intercourse are filled with physical, emotional and psychological risks. Abstinence provides teenagers the opportunity to avoid those risks.

Individuals who abstain from sexual intercourse during their teenage years tend to have fewer sexual partners in their future. Remaining abstinent as a teenager means that you will be less likely to:

  • Contract a sexually transmitted disease
  • Become infertile
  • Develop cancer of the cervix
  • Experience an unplanned pregnancy

How can my partner get to know me? Sexual intercourse is not the only way two people can get to know each other. Too often, people open this door for drawing closer to one another only to regret the decision later because they did not really know each other at all. Intimacy can be developed through a variety of means such as:

  • Talking and listening
  • Sharing joys, hurts, dreams, goals, wishes and other aspects of life
  • Honesty and respect for one another
  • Having fun together

For additional information go to

Why should someone choose abstinence? Abstinence is chosen by women and men for a number of reasons. Some of the reasons people choose abstinence are noted below:

  • Honor of personal, moral, or religious beliefs
  • Wait until they are married and in a monogamous and committed relationship
  • Pursue school, career, and other activities
  • To avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases

For additional information go to

How can I express my affection? Intimacy and affection can be expressed in a number of ways other than sexual intercourse. Kissing, hugging, and holding hands are some of the ways that couples express their affection in a physical manner. Intimacy and affection can also be expressed in other ways such as:

  • Conversations
  • Cards, letters, and love notes
  • Support in your partner’s activities
  • Creative and fun dating
  • The caution with any physical affection is that it can lead to passion and a desire for something more.

What are the pros and cons of abstinence?

  • The Pros of Abstinence include:
    • Has no side effects or health risks
    • Prevents pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases
    • Free
    • Endorsed by many churches and religious organizations
    • Reduces emotional and psychological challenges related to relationships that involve sexual activity
    • Allows you to exercise discipline and willpower
  • The Cons of Abstinence:
    • Pressure from society questioning your decision

What is secondary virginity?

Secondary virginity is a second chance at chastity, to regain your self respect and minimize your risk of contracting an STD/STI. Secondary virginity comes from recognizing that you’ve made mistakes in the past – and re-dedicating yourself to avoiding those mistakes in the future.

Project Reality speaker Scott Phelps compares each person’s sexuality to a precious rose. Even if you have lost your virginity and a petal or two is missing from your rose, it is still a beautiful thing – and from now on it can be saved for your real mate for life-long marriage.